I am glad that March is almost over. It's been a hard month. Big B's hospital stay on the 5th was trying. In the eleven years since we've diagnosed his seizure disorder, it's always been go, go, go. It has just always been. We do what needs to be done. And that's it. Maybe it's age. Maybe it was a combination of things. Maybe it was coming home from the hospital and he wasn't with me. But for the first time, I felt what it would be like to not have him. Here. With me. It was un-nerving and frightening. The realisation, that I could have lost him forever was overwhelming. The feeling of despair was an understatement.The funny thing is, he'll get over this. Maybe it's his age. Or his somewhat irreverent attitude towards life.
(I wish I could say the same for myself).
My days are organized by lists. Every evening, I make my list and slowly tick them off as the day goes along. Even the silliest, most trivial things make it to my list. Now, it is what it is. Just a list. And these are just things to do. In the end, it's just stuff.
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